Archive for the – Ebooks – Category

Brain Quest: A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2017 by beautifulgerman

Available on December 26, 2017! Reserve your copy today for $0.99 and get a huge discount off the regular price. Pre-order now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Smashwords and other select retailers.

Brain Quest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mission Nemo simply must succeed. If the crew of the Super Small Miniaturized Nano-like Operations Wessel S. S. Minnow fails to destroy the inoperable anti-capitalist coagulum lodged in Maurice Moore’s progressive brain, how will General De Klein’s Federal Department of Antidotes operatives at SUCFACE Mission Control find out if Leftylometazoline (aka LeftX) really works? Would this usher in the final stage of the liberal clerisy’s clandestine collectivist conspiracy to abolish our few remaining individual freedoms forever? That would not please President Thump one microscopic little bit.

Join Major Miles Stone and his disturbingly alluring crew on their miniaturized mission through the left and lefter hemispheres of the progressive brain. Their fantastic voyage is a race against time that takes them through such redoubtable regions as the Clinton Vortex, the Che Guevara Gray Area and the Obama Trauma Center itself. Here they bravely confront such anatomical monstrosities as the fantasist frontalis, the hyperbolthalamus and the dreaded pious aspiration node. Their progressive brain journey only gets progressively worse as they are repeatedly attacked by repulsive swarms of nanny neurons, doomsday dendrons, robin hoodlums and the formidable radical egalitarian bacterium. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, and their deadly arsenal of passing phasers, millennial mindset missiles, moral busybody antibodies and Condescendium®, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost.

The tension never stops building during this thrilling tale of adventure, danger, suspense and romance. And lust. Will Captain Hanna Grenada’s irresistible animal magnetism finally seduce the Major into experiencing something vaguely resembling basic human emotion? Can the all too communicative HAL 9999 super computer and his annoying eye drones really be trusted to operate the ship? And will the Minnow’s political corrector deflectors and smug shields hold, allowing Stone and his crew to reach their target and ignite the liberal bombast bomb in time? I could tell you but that would ruin the suspense.

Not your everyday dystopian science-fiction erotic horror political thriller, this bombastic bombshell of a book knows no shame when it comes to overwhelming you with its serious silliness, wanton wackiness and forthright, flat-out farce. Purchase it now before it is too late or something. Soon to be made into a major motion picture. Or maybe it has been already. There is also time travel involved here, after all.

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Why Do Socialist Diets Never Work?

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , on May 19, 2017 by beautifulgerman

They are always burning other people’s calories.

The Little Red Book. On sale at Smashwords now.

Book

Is That All You Could Find?

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 10, 2017 by beautifulgerman

501 German oddities?

Dog

I know, I know. There are way more than that. Just consider these 501 oddities to be, you know, Oddities 101 or something.

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Limited time ebook offer or something, folks. Also available at Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, etc.

My German Is More Dumber Than Your German Is

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2017 by beautifulgerman

It’s 99 cent blowout ebook sale time again! Like how outrageous is that?

Dumb

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also available at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

* I’d give this ebook away for free but then you wouldn’t read it and that would be irresponsible so I won’t.

Why didn’t Fidel Castro ever make it in professional baseball?

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2016 by beautifulgerman

Buy this ebook and find out.

book

The Little Red Book: Of Little-Read Jokes about the Enlightened Left for only 99 cents? No way. Or way?

Also available at Amazon, iTunes, Barnes & Noble, etc. Enjoy!

Why do liberals love eating donuts so much?

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2016 by beautifulgerman

Buy this ebook and find out.

Book

 

The Little Red Book: Of Little-Read Jokes about the Enlightened Left for only 99 cents? No way. Or way?

Also available at Amazon, iTunes, Barnes & Noble, etc. Enjoy!

 

Would Kilgore Trout Tell A Lie?

Posted in - Ebooks - with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2016 by beautifulgerman

It’s special ebook offer time again already, folks. Deal with it.

Book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dumb Deutsch

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.

Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!

Kilgore Trout